I have little to no motivation today. It is almost the end of the semester, and I really need to get stuff done. But instead, I have just been rereading all of my old xanga posts. Let me just tell you, it is a wonder I ended up normal at all. I was a weird, strange kid.
But it is fun to remember things I was excited about. For example, here's a post from November 1, 2004:
C. S. Lewis had this idea of sehnsucht, or of longing, "sweet melancholy," desire for that which one is alienated from. Corbin Scott Carnell writes (in a book of his about Lewis): "The Day is coming, however, when we will join in a great cosmic dance or ride magnificient stallions through the heavens, when we will have reached the individuation we have longed for, and when the cord of lnging will lead directly to Him who bids be one with Him in a great mutuality of loves." Lewis wrote (in his copy of von Hügel's Eternal Life):
"It is not an abstraction called Humanity that is to be saved. It is you,…your soul, and, in some sense yet to be understood, even your body, that was made for the high and holy place. All that you are…every fold and crease of your individuality was devised from all eternity to fit God as a glove fits a hand. All that intimate particularity which you can hardly grasp yourself, much less communicate to your fellow creatures, is no mystery to Him. He made those ins and outs that He might fill them. Then He gave your soul so curious a life because it is the key designed to unlock that door, of all the myriad doors in Him."
How beautiful is that? To imagine that all of our distinctly unique and individual quirks were shaped by God and are completely understood by God. We are made to be filled by Him. Blaise Pascal had this idea that every man has in him a God-shaped vacuum. We all have holes made only to be filled with our Creator. We were made to be worshippers of that Creator. There is no other thing in this world that will fulfill and satisfy us. And we can feel it. We can feel the longing, the sehnsucht, to be with our Creator.
I am so glad I recorded these quotes. The xanga could do with a lot less of the "oh my goodness, my boyfriend broke up with me and I think I'm going to die" posts.
On a different note, this was the last full week of classes! I have class next Monday and Wednesday. Then I have a test on Wednesday, a paper due on Friday, and an exam on Monday. Not too bad.
Then, that next Wednesday (the 14th), Jack and I will be heading home (Bech will come a week later)...CANNOT WAIT!!!